


Lights

by Ohmygodnighttroll



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas Prompt, F/M, I'm a slow writer, Jily Fluff, Twelve Days of Jilymas, with some angst sprinkled in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 23:52:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13154703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohmygodnighttroll/pseuds/Ohmygodnighttroll
Summary: Lily didn't expect this to be her first Christmas without her family. She runs into James at the Hogsmeade Christmas tree lighting, and learns that family isn't always the one you're born with.Trigger Warnings: Contains scenes of attempted sexual assault and being kicked out of the house.Tried to write for the Twelve days of Jilymas on Tumblr and barely got one prompt done. So here's my response to the very first prompt on day one. It only took me all twelve days to write it.





	Lights

Lily would never get used to Apparition. She hated the disorientation and the dizziness, the pressure that mirrored what Lily could only imagine it felt to be squeezed through a rubber tube. To top it all off, Lily was heartbroken. She had never put much stock in Divination, but if she had, she would have wished for someone to give her a prediction of how the night would play out. 

_ Not like this _ she thought to herself.  _ Never like this. _

She appeared in Hogsmeade, where it seemed all of its denizens were gathered up in the town square. Lily gazed around amazed. She found a witch to ask what was going on.

“It’s the lighting, dearie.” the witch replied her tone mimicking one that would be used on a three-year-old. “It’s only the biggest event of the season.”

“Wizarding communities do Christmas lightings?” 

“Of course dear, it’s Christmas.” The witch smiled at her as if “it’s Christmas” was the ultimate explanation, though it offered Lily absolutely no explanation at all. 

She walked the streets of Hogsmeade filled with a deep sadness. This was not how she had ever imagined her first Christmas without her family. She sighed and followed the crowd of witches and wizards into the square where a 40 foot tree stood tall and looming, waiting to be lit. 

She stared up at the tree, longing to be home with her family to light their own tree, to sip cider, sing carols, and be together for a normal Christmas Holiday.

Lily scoffed. She was an idiot to have ever believed she could be normal.That option had long since disappeared.

She felt a tear cold on her cheek and swiped at it with her gloved hand.  _ Perfect _ . Just what she needed. She blinked back more tears, trying her hardest not to break down crying in the middle of Hogsmeade.

A familiar laugh drew her from her reverie. She looked up to see James Potter talking to Madame Rosmerta. He was smiling and his hand as always was mussing his hair. Her face felt hot as she remembered the last conversation she had with him before the start of the holiday. She hastily looked at the ground, hoping that James wouldn’t catch her eye, but it was too late. 

“Hey Evans!” James walked over to her, smiling brightly. 

Though she wasn’t in the mood to, Lily returned James’ smile and tried to make her voice sound pleasant and not as if she’d been crying just moments ago.

“H-hey Potter,” her voice broke betraying her outward attempt at appearing in a good mood, and instead revealed her distress. 

“You all right Evans?” asked James, his face painted with concern. 

“Oh yes, don’t mind me,” Lily lied, her hands wiping away any stray tears, “it’s just the cold.”

James searched her face, trying to determine whether or not he believed her. Then he shrugged and his usual charming demeanor was back. 

“Well, this is certainly a Christmas Miracle.” he added jovially, slinging his arm around Lily’s shoulders. Two years ago, this move would have landed him in the Hospital Wing and Lily in Detention, as she would have hexed him into oblivion. Now she simply accepted the warmth and company. 

“A true Christmas miracle indeed,” he affirmed- more to himself than anyone else. “So tell me Evans, what brings you back to Hogsmeade on this cold winter’s night? Don’t you usually go home for the Christmas holiday?” 

Lily choked back a sob and murmured, “Change of plans.” 

“Their loss,” he said, not needing an explanation--much to Lily’s relief. “My gain.”

“What about you?” Lily asked. “A-are you alone too?”

“Well I guess it depends on your definition of ‘alone,’” James remarked casually. “I mean my parents and I, we come to Hogsmeade for the Christmas lighting every year. But they’re getting on in years—my parents, and so they decided to go back to their room at the Hog’s Head because they were tired. Sirius is around here somewhere too, but Minnie somehow always talks him into playing before the lighting.”

James laughed, “He’s been playing a bunch of Irish carols, trying to see how many Scots he can piss off.”

“Should we be worried about him?” Lily asked.

“Nah, Padfoot can take care of himself. Anyway, in the grand scheme of things, no I’m not alone. But seeing as my family has utterly abandoned me at this lighting, then I suppose you could say that yes I am alone.”

At the mention of family, Lily broke again. Hot tears poured from her eyes and splashed onto the cobblestone street. Her body heaved with the force of her sobs, and she had to put a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound of the involuntary scream that escaped her.  

“H-hey, hey Evans!” James responded in alarm. “Oh Evans, I’m so—shit. Here,” With one arm tight around Lily’s shoulders and the other gripping her elbow he walked her away from the crowd and down the road that led to the Shrieking Shack. When they were a good enough distance away, James set Lily down on a stump and cast a silencing charm around them. 

“Okay Lily,” he said, not bothering to call her by her surname. “Just breathe it out, okay? Deep breaths, that’s it.”

Lily’s breathing made absolutely no change as her body was still racked with sobs, but James’ voice was low and calming. His hazel eyes bore into hers and gave Lily something to focus on. 

“J-james,” she sobbed, “C-can you—”

“What? Oh!” James sprang into action, “Yes, anything. What d’you need?”

It took Lily a moment between sobs and a distant sensation that she would eventually need to vomit for her to get the words out.

“J-just hold m-me.”

James sighed and pulled Lily down into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and tucked her into his chest, resting his chin on the top of her head. Lily could feel the steady hammering of his heart, she focused on his heartbeat and the feeling of him running his fingers through her hair. 

He was murmuring something; Lily could feel the vibration of his voice in his chest, but couldn’t make out the words he was saying. She supposed it didn’t matter, she was comforted enough just by being held. 

Dusk was falling by the time Lily’s sobs had subsided enough so she could speak. She was so comfortable snuggled into James, she didn’t want to move. 

“James,”

James’ hand paused its ministrations to Lily’s hair. He lifted his chin off her head and looked down so he could make eye contact with her. “Yes, Lily?” 

Lily could feel her face heating up as James stared at her. She fixed her eyes to her lap. “Nothing. Just...thank you.”

James placed his fingers tentatively under Lily’s chin. When she made no protests, James lifted her chin so he was looking at him again. 

“Anytime Evans.” he smiled at her. Lily feared her face was turning as red as her hair. James’ face fell. 

“Look, Evans—Lily, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong. Not if you don’t want to, but” he bit his lip. “I’m sorry Lil, but can we stand up? Not that I am not loving this, but my arse is sooooo numb.” 

Lily burst out laughing. James was so adept at diffusing tense moments and making her forget about her problems. For someone she had put so much effort into disliking, she surprised herself at how at ease she felt with him these days. Here in his arms she felt safe, something she never expected to feel with any bloke, least of all James Potter.

She shuffled off of his lap and he hauled them both to their feet. James moved as if to give her space, but Lily was not ready for the loss of contact and ended up pulling a very surprised but not complaining James back to her. 

Lily let out a shaky breath as James wrapped his arms around her once more. 

 

**Earlier that day**

_ It wasn’t the first time that Petunia had brought her boyfriend Vernon to an Evans family Christmas party, as they had been dating now for over a year. It was however the first time since Vernon had proposed, and what had once been the Evans family Christmas Party had now become an engagement party for the happy couple. _

_ Lily tried to be happy for her sister, she really did. She wanted nothing more than for her sister to find the “Happily Ever After” she’d always dreamed about. But how anyone could have a “Happily Ever After” with someone as thick headed as Vernon Dursley was beyond Lily’s comprehension. She couldn’t help but feel like Petunia deserved someone better than a man who put his work before his wife. _

_ Pushing these thoughts from her mind, she set to work on making an apple pie. With a flick of her wand the apples peeled and sliced themselves while she worked on the crust and filling. She had just settled into a rhythm when she heard Petunia’s shrill voice sound off from the hallway. _

_ “Oh for heaven’s sake, Lily! Do you have to do that in the house?!”  _

_ Lily rolled her eyes. Petunia always had a way of making it sound as if Lily had urinated on the carpet instead of performed magic. Like Lily was nothing more than an ill-behaved dog. _

_ “If you don’t like it, then don’t look Tuney.” She replied calmly. “I’m not going to hide who I am while I’m in my own house.” _

_ “This is my  _ engagement party _ Lily!” Petunia whined, “It has to be absolutely  _ perfect  _ and I will not have you  _ ruin _ it by behaving like… well like a--”  _

_ “A freak?” Lily offered, her pie crust long forgotten. “That’s what you want to say, isn’t it? Go ahead, Tuney. You’ve always made your opinions about me quite clear.” _

_ Petunia’s demeanor changed as she plastered a patronizing smile on her face. _

_ “Lily,” she said, her voice dripping with honey. “You know I don’t mind that you’re...well you know. It’s just that this is my  _ engagement _ party. All of my friends are going to be here, and Vernon’s work colleagues. And it just wouldn’t do to have you flouncing around being… well you know.” _

_ Lily took a few deep breaths and painted on her own smile. “Don’t worry Tuney,” she assured her sister, mimicking the same syrupy voice that Petunia had used. “I’m not going to go around waving my wand and casting spells on all your friends. Believe it or not, they actually teach us how to behave at my school.” _

_ Petunia sighed, the relief evident on her face. “Good,” she said. “Thank you Lily.” _

_ Without another word, Petunia sashayed out of the kitchen, her left hand held aloft so she could gaze at the substantial ring that now adorned her finger.  _

_ Lily scoffed and returned to her pie, all holiday cheer suddenly sucked out of the air.  _

 

_ Mere hours later, the Evans household was buzzing with various conversations as dozens of people Lily didn’t know bustled from room to room. Petunia was holding court in the small living room, sitting in the armchair as if it were a throne. A gaggle of tittering girls surrounded her, hanging on her every word as Petunia recounted the tale of Vernon’s proposal to anyone who’d listen. Vernon and his work colleagues had taken over the dining room, and looked to be holding a business meeting with Lily’s father, while Lily and her mother were relegated to the kitchen to plate food for their guests.  _

_ Again Lily tried to be happy for her sister’s engagement, but on top of finding the whole affair to be profoundly boring, every time her brother-in-law-to-be opened his mouth, she had to resist the urge to throw something. How on earth had Petunia fallen for someone so narrow-minded? Every one of Vernon’s opinions on everything from the role of women in the workplace to “the rampant abuse of the welfare system” made Lily want to gag. She never knew somebody could disgust her so much.  _

_ “Lily!” Vernon called with a snap of his fingers, “More brandy.”  _

_ “Oh I’m terribly sorry, Vernon,” Lily responded with shock in her voice, “how long ago was it?” _

_ Vernon narrowed his eyes, “How long ago was what?” _

_ “Well I can only assume if you’re incapable of getting up for the brandy yourself, you must’ve been in some sort of accident that compromised your legs.So tell me: how long ago was it?” _

_ A vein in Vernon’s temple throbbed as his face turned a very deep shade of purple. He clearly wanted to say something else to her, instead he laughed. _

_ “Fiery one, that girl,” he remarked offhand. “Though I doubt she’ll ever find herself a husband, behaving like that.” _

_ “Well if my husband is more concerned with how I behave in front of his friends as opposed to loving me for who I am, I doubt I’ll want to marry him anyway.” Lily snapped. Before Vernon could open his mouth to argue, Lily turned to her mother.  _

_ “I need a break,” she said and exited the kitchen. Lily climbed the stairs that led her bedroom. She flung open the door and closed it with a slam. She flumped down on her bed and fished under her bed for the last pack of cigarettes Sirius had sent her. Mary had convinced her to quit with some very detailed photographs of the human lung, but these were desperate times.  _

_ She lit the tip of her cigarette with her wand then leaned against the wall, blowing smoke out of her nostrils. _

_ The door of her room burst open and Lily sprang to attention, expecting Petunia to be there to give her a tongue lashing over the way she spoke to Vernon. Instead it was a young man whom Lily recognized as one of Vernon’s colleagues, but had never gotten his name.  _

_ “Sorry,” the man said, “I thought this was the loo.”  _

_ Lily rolled her eyes, “Next door over,” she replied, using her cigarette to indicate the direction of the bathroom.  _

_ “Can I bum one of those from you?” he asked.  _

_ Lily held the pack out to him, and he took a cigarette. _

_ “Got a light?” _

_ Lily smiled and performed a small sleight of hand that Sirius had shown her to cover the fact that she had conjured a lighter, and handed it to him. _

_ “How’d you do that?”  _

_ Lily quirked a brow at him, “magic.” _

_ The man laughed, and Lily found herself laughing too.  _ If he only knew _.  _

_ “I thought you had to use the bathroom.” _

_ He shrugged his shoulders, “I found something more interested.” _

_ Lily held a hand to her heart, “What a compliment! I’ve always dreamed of being more interesting than a bodily function.” _

_ The man laughed. “Guess that wasn’t as charming as I thought it would be, was it?” _

_ Lily shook her head. “Not even a little bit.” _

_ He loomed closer to where Lily was sitting on her bed. “Well perhaps this will make it better.” _

_ Lily shrunk back towards the wall. He was too close. “On second thought, why don’t we both head back down to the party? I shouldn’t leave my mother alone in the kitchen for too long.” _

_ The man shook his head and leaned in closer, “The party’s boring. This will be much more fun by far. I promise.” _

_ “Please don’t,” Lily pleaded. Her eyes were closed and her body was pressed as close to the wall as she could muster. She thought of the girls she had helped before the end of term, how scared they had been. Was this the same kind of fear they had felt? Lily sat rooted to the spot, no matter how much she willed her body to move, she was frozen. _

_ The man had his hands on the wall on either side of Lily’s head now. His breath reeked of booze and cigarettes.  _

_ “Just relax,” he said. “I promise you’ll enjoy it.”  _

_ It was these last words that broke Lily from whatever trance she was under. Now instead of fear she was filled with righteous anger. She was angry that this man would not take her feelings into consideration, angry for girls who had had their free will taken away by some bloke who thought he was entitled to their bodies; she drew her knees to her chest and kicked straight out. Her feet made contact with the man’s stomach and he doubled over. This gave her the time she needed to draw her wand and shriek “ _ Stupefy!” 

_ The man collapsed into a heap on the floor of Lily’s room. Lily clapped a hand over her mouth to muffle her scream. She heard footsteps thundering up the stairs and quickly placed a silencing charm on her room. Whoever it was, she did not want to be overheard for what happened next—be it Memory Charm or an argument with her family.  _

_ “Lily  _ what  _ is going on I heard shouting—” _

_ Petunia stepped into Lily’s room and let out a bloodcurdling scream. Lily silently thanked her quick thinking to cast a silencer.  _

_ “WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Petunia shrieked.  “Oh my god, you’ve KILLED HIM!” _

_ “Tuney, he’s not—” _

_ “YOU’VE KILLED GRAHAM POLKISS! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS?!” _

_ “He’s not de—” _

_ “HIS FATHER ONLY OWNS GRUNNINGS! HE’S ONLY VERNONS BOSS AND YOU’VE KILLED HIM!!” _

_ “PETUNIA! HE’S NOT DEAD!!” Lily shouted at the top of her lungs, a vain attempt to drown out her sister. But Petunia had always been the louder of the two.  _

_ “He’s not dead.” Lily repeated at a more respectable volume. “He’s unconscious. I Stunned him.”  _

_ “Stunned—” Petunia caught sight of Lily’s wand in her hand and shrieked some more.  _

_ “YOU PROMISED! YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T USE THAT—THAT  _ THING  _ ON MY FRIENDS AND YOU LIED!” _

_ Petunia’s eyes were wild and her face was red. Lily had never seen her so cross.  _

_ “Girls, is everything—” _

_ “Mum!” Petunia wailed “Lily has  _ attacked  _ Vernon’s boss and she’s been doing  _ you-know-what _ and she’s attacked him with that  _ thing!”

_ “He attacked  _ me! _ ” Lily protested. “He tried to--” _

_ “Oh please,” Petunia scoffed. “Like Graham Polkiss would ever--” _

_ “He pinned me to the wall!” Lily shouted, tears pricking at her eyes. “I told him I didn’t want to, but--” _

_ “And you couldn’t for once just do something nice for me!” Petunia howled. “You always ruin everything!” _

_ Lily was dumbstruck “Tuney, how could you think--” _

_ “You should have been grateful for the attention! Imagine what this will do to Vernon and me. We’ll be outcasts! Vernon will lose his job! I can’t believe you would be so selfish!”  _

_ Lily’s heart sank. She couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of her sister’s mouth. She turned to her mother who was observing the man--Graham Polkiss-- who still lay on the floor unconscious. If she had any thoughts on Petunia’s words, she kept them to herself. _

_ “I can make him forget.” _

_ “What?!” Petunia hissed. _

_ “I can make him forget.” Lily repeated. “It’s a simple spell, I can do it now if--” _

_ “NO!” Petunia shrieked. “Haven’t you already done enough?!” _

_ “You’re the one complaining about what this will do to you, Tuney. I’m just saying I can fix this.” _

_ Lily could see her sister wrestle internally with her decision as she flicked her gaze between Lily, her wand, and the man on the floor. _

_ “Fine,” she hissed after a moment’s pause. “But after that I want you gone.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “You are not  _ welcome _ at my engagement party for a moment longer! I cannot have you ruining anything else. Fix him, and then leave.” _

_ Lily couldn’t take it. She looked at her mother, her eyes pleading. “Mum, please.” _

_ Joanne Evans did not look up from where she had taken place at Graham’s head. Whether she was crying or not, Lily couldn’t tell, but when she replied her voice was strained. _

_ “Perhaps it is for the best.” _

_ Lily’s heart shattered. She never knew that five simple words could hurt so much. Tears fell freely from her eyes now.  She walked over to Graham’s side. Standing over him she made up a cover story.  _ You weren’t feeling well.You came upstairs to have a lie down, and fell asleep. Everything’s fine, return to the party.  _ She pointed her wand between his eyes and muttered  _

_ “ _ Obliviate.”

_ She hated the sensation that performing a memory charm left on her. It felt like a snake slithering up her arm and across her neck. She shuddered and stepped away. _

_ “It’s done.” _

_ “Good.” Spat Petunia. “Now leave.” _

_ “Tuney please--” Lily begged. “Please don’t do this. You’re my sister, I love--” _

_ “Don’t you  _ dare  _ say you love me! If you loved me you never would have gone away to that school. You made your choice the day you stepped on that train and so did I! Leave Lily! I can’t even stand to look at you.” _

 

“And so I packed what I could and Disapparated. I mean what else could I have done?” Lily looked up to read James’ face. He had not moved or said anything while she had recounted the events of her day.  His expression was somewhere between anger and hurt. She wanted to ask him a million questions and then in the same breath wanted to stay with him in comfortable silence.

“I can’t believe your mum just let you go.” his voice was barely above a whisper, but Lily felt it rumbling deep in his chest. “She didn’t even try to defend you.”

“I used magic against a Muggle. That was something I don’t think my mum ever expected of me. She and dad always tried to be proud of me for being a witch. They listened when I told them about school, bragged about what they could, but they’ve never actually seen me do any real magic, and I think it frightened her.”

“That’s a pretty shit excuse, Lily.” 

“I’m not saying it isn’t, but what else can I say? They’re muggles, they don’t really understand what goes on here, and a part of them doesn’t want to.”

Lily was crying again, maybe she had never really stopped. But she looked up at James with tears in her eyes. 

“I can’t blame them for not wanting me around, James. It’s not their fault.”

James grabbed Lily’s face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “You were born a witch, Lily, that is not something you can help. They may not be able to understand, but you cannot change who you are to accommodate them. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Lily buried her face in James’ chest again, wishing that she could stop feeling this way. She wanted to stop feeling upset over a family who chose to have her exist in the periphery of their lives. She wanted to stop feeling like no matter which world she lived in, she didn’t belong in either. On top of it all, despite all the things that she was and could be upset over, she wanted to stop thinking about just how good James made her feel.

Somewhere along the line, she had fallen for him as more than a friend. He still drove her mad most days, and on those days she longed to tear him limb from limb, but most days were like this moment. Most days he made her feel happy, safe, and even treasured. Lily had watched him mature over the last year or so, and apart from his usual cheeky remarks, and occasional prank, Lily liked who he had become. 

A burst of fireworks above their heads pulled them from their moment. James looked up to the sky and smiled. 

“We’ve missed the lighting,” he whispered. Then gazing into Lily’s eyes, his smile widened to the biggest, most roguish grin she’d ever seen. “Worth it.” 

Without wasting another second of the beautiful display above them, James leaned down and captured Lily’s lips with his own.

Every nerve ending in Lily’s body was alive with sensation. She didn’t know how it felt to be struck by lightning,but she imagined it had to be something like what she was feeling now. Her heart pounded in time with the fireworks still exploding in the sky. She clung to James’ arms to steady herself on her weakening knees while James reached up to cup her face in his hands and deepen their kiss. His lips were soft and tasted of peppermint. One hand held her face with one thumb drawing circles on her cheek. The other was at the small of her back, holding her up. Lily’s own arms snaked around James’ neck, her fingers tangling in the hair at the nape of his neck. She was drawn to him like a magnet, and for a moment she thought there was not a force in the world that could drive them apart. 

Lily wasn’t sure how long that kiss lasted, but just as suddenly as it had started it was over. Lily looked up through half-lidded eyes to see James smiling blissfully down at her. She stood on her toes to kiss him again. Once, twice, three more times she kissed him, then he pulled back and rested his forehead on hers.   
“So fucking worth it.” said James. “A Christmas Miracle.”

Lily giggled. “You think everything is a Christmas miracle.”

“Well to be fair, I just snogged the girl of my dreams, and she didn’t hex me after.” James laughed. “I’m pretty sure that constitutes as a miracle, Evans.” 

Lily giggled again and left the lightest of kisses on the tip of James’ nose. “Merry Christmas Potter.”

“Merry Christmas Evans.”


End file.
